A Grunt's Life
by Idiot Elzar
Summary: Holy gosh! 3 Years later and only one chapter is up!
1. Sunday

A Grunt's life-Sunday Disclaimer: If I owned Halo, I would delete the gay hunters. But sadly, I don't. 5:00 A.M-Wake up. Look in mirror to see you're ugly. Scream and faint of methane and breath loss.  
  
7:00 A.M- Wake up, realizing you fell asleep. Get up and make some pancakes.  
  
7:30- Eat pancakes. Scream because you lost you're wonderful pancakes.  
  
7:35- Stop screaming. Put methane breather on.  
  
8:00- Go to breakfast at IHOP.  
  
8:40- you're waitress comes. You yell at her for being late. Order milk.  
  
10:00- you watch 5 parties come and go. You're milk still hasn't come.  
  
12:00- you're milk comes. You order 50 pancakes. The lady takes your order.  
  
3:00- No sign of pancakes, Freak out.  
  
3:55- Pancakes come, eat.  
  
3:56- done. Pay bill. Bill: 5,000 dollars. Freak out.  
  
7:00- Wake up, realizing it was just a dream.  
  
8:30- Get ready to go to IHOP. You can't get you're butt off the couch. You call 911.  
  
9:00- 911 Finally comes. They shoot your butt off the couch. They charge you 5,000 dollars.  
  
9:30- Get in Ghost. Drive to IHOP. You arrive.  
  
9:34- The wait is 50 minutes. You pull out you're cell phone and start playing Halo.  
  
10:24- You go to a table. You order milk.  
  
10:30- Milk comes. You yell at the lady and charge her 5,000 dollars. She doesn't pay so you shoot her with your plasma pistol.  
  
10:35- Another waiter comes and takes your order. Pancakes.  
  
10:45- You get bored, pull your cell phone out and play Halo.  
  
11:00- You beat Halo and your pancakes come. You eat pancakes. Bill:50 dollars.  
  
11:05- You figure out how to pay. You tear the bill up and leave.  
  
11:09- Get home, you have 50 new messages. You listen to them all  
  
12:00- Done listening,  
  
1:00- Call friend, go over to his house and play a Halo LAN party. You cheat and win.  
  
5:00 Done playing. Go to McDonald's and get a happy meal. You get Mad at the lady because you ordered chicken nuggets, not a cheeseburger.  
  
5:05- Get cheeseburger. Drive back to home and eat. Play with you're toy.  
  
5:50- Done playing and eating. Go and watch Seinfield.  
  
6:30- Seinfields over. Watch movies and play Halo.  
  
10:00- Get bored. Hook up X-BOX live. You play Counter-Strike for five hours. Win all the games.  
  
3:00- Fall asleep. Restart next Sunday. 


	2. Monday

I am finally back! Lets get on with it! 

======================================= 

Monday. 

5:00 A.M- Wake up. Stare at mirror. The mafia of Elites came an robbed you of you're wonderful, wonderful, pancakes.  
  
6:00 A.M- Realize you LOVE pancakes. Start running around screaming.  
  
7:00 A.M- Realize you have a secret stash. Go to Bob Evan's anyways.

7:30 A.M- You arrive and order Vodka. The lady comes back with it. You shout all ticked off at her and tell her you ordered milk. You slap her upside the head.  
  
7:32 A.M- You're milk comes. Order 50 pancakes. 

7:32 1/2 A.M- You're friend, Iwetmyself, comes and sits at you're table. You hook up GBA SPS and play Advance wars. Iwetmyself orders Milk and 50 pancakes too.  
  
8:00 A.M- You mad owned Iwetymyself at Advance wars. He owes you $1,000,000.99 dollars.

8:20 A.M- You're food comes. You shoot the lady then throw her corpse at some kid passing by. He screams and you laugh you're head off. 

8:21 A.M- You finish you're food. The lady comes back, asking for her tip. You say, "Look in my pocket, theres a tip for you there." She glances in your pocket and a posionus scorpion bites her. You and Iwetmyself shrug and leave.  
  
8:51 A.M- At house, again. Go inside and watch old movies like The Goonies, and Monkeybone.  
  
1:00 P.M- Done watching movies. Re-enact starwars battles with Iwetmyself.

1:00 1/2 P.M- Iwetmyself stubs his pinky toe. He screams and acts like the world is going to end.

1:01 P.M- You kick Iwetmyself to shut him up. He runs into the wall and falls down, laughing.

1:02 P.M- You force Iwetmyself to leave. He refuses, so you kick him in the stomach. Then you give him Ice Cream.

1:50 P.M- Done with Ice cream. Play Halo 2: The demo for 6 hours.  
  
7:50 P.M- You're X-box shuts off. You almost finished the first level, too! You get mad and start stomping around, then sigh and start playing again.  
  
13:00 P.M- You realize you're clock is wrong. Set it too 3:00.  
  
3:00? P.M- You grin and go to Mcdonalds. You ask if its too late for breakfast. The man says yes.

3:01? P.M- You get mad and shoot him with you're rubber ducky ray. He turns into a rubber ducky. You get a mighty kids meal.  
  
3:40? P.M- You eat the napkin and straw wrapper. Throw everything else away. Grab the toy and chuck it out you're apartment window at some loser.  
  
3:41 A.M- Fall asleep. Repeat next Monday.

Sorry it took so long! I'm sorry also if this chapters a little harsh. Tuesday comes later on this August or beginning of September. 


	3. Tuesday

Hey guys! I'm SO sorry I didn't get anything in. Here we go!

Tuesday:  
6:00 A.M- Wake up. Scream at Alarm clock. Throw it off the roof.

6:01 A.M- Go to IHOP. Scream Bob Evans has better pancakes.

7:00 A.M- You went to Bob Evans. Screamed IHOP Has better pancakes. Went back.

7:20 A.M- Nobodys there, so you seat yourself.

7:30 A.M- Nobody yet. You get yourself an overflowing glass of milk and cry because it doesn't have enough.

7:50 A.M- Stop crying.Make Pancakes.

8:00 A.M- The pancakes look like what you did on the pooper yesterday. Teehee! You eat them anyways.

8:01 A.M- IHOP opens! The Master Chief and SPARTAN 458 Walk in. You sneak by. SPARTAN 458 Wants an ice cream. You invite them over.

8:30 A.M- You brought them home in your pimped out ghost. You tie them up and roll them through the teleporter.

8:31 A.M- They come out, all black. You decide to give them a bath.

8:32 A.M- YOU REALIZE SPARTAN 458 IS A GIRL! Freak out.

11:00 A.M- Done freaking out. Blame it on dead Alarm Clock.

12:00 A.M- Done with baths! Yay! You then decide to have a staring contest.

12:00 and one second- You lose. Way to go, chief.

12:30 P.M- Have a Dead or Alive 4™ Tournament.

12:31 P.M- Note to self: Do not button mash.

12:32 P.M- Have a party to celebrate your "victory"!

1:00 P.M- Done partying. Make Ice cream Quaseidilla.

3:00 P.M- You realize Ice cream and Quaseidillas don't mix.

4:00 P.M- Time for dinner! Head on over to Moes with the two.

5:00 P.M- They order a Happy Meal™ and you order a Mighty Kid's meal. They say they don't have them. Go on a rampage.

8:00 P.M- Killing Spree! Way to go, chief! That only took 3 hours!

9:00 P.M- Sticky yourself. End up in Hospital.  
To be continued...?


	4. Wednesday

I swear, it took me 3 years to write this chapter. Please don't hit me! ( I may or may not be back to writing fanfiction after this. Holy hell, I've aged a lot now.)

7:00 A.M. – Nurse screams. You wake up and look at her. She hands you a mirror.

7:15 A.M. – The realization you are now a handsome young man sinks in.

7:16 A.M. – Begin flirting with yourself. Scream when the mirror makes the same motions you do. Throw it at nearby nurse.

7:20 A.M. - Nurse bleeds out.

7:59 A.M. – Realize there are only 60 minutes in an hour, then realize you could have totally banged that nurse.

8:30 A.M. – Time to hit the town. Head to Cleveland.

1:00 P.M. – Done hiking to Cleveland. Rent a taxi, go back home.

1:30 P.M. – Realize you're a human once more, scream and head-butt the mirror. Surely there must be a wizard behind all this.

2:00 P.M. – Call mommy over to remove the shards of glass from your skull. Realize you now have hair.

2:50 P.M. – Stop combing your freakin' hair and move on.

3:00 P.M. – Stare at your Xbox. Holy gosh, that thing has sat there for almost 5 years without any use.

4:00 P.M. – Pop in your original Halo disc. Play through the first few levels, crying with joy.

5:00 P.M. – Play Halo 2 online. Cry when you see how broken the multiplayer is.

5:01 P.M. – Realize you don't have Xbox Live… that'll make things so much harder.

5:30 P.M. – Call momma and ask her for a ride to Gamestop after realizing you want to be able to play online.

5:45 P.M. – Arrive. The clerk says you're not 13 and thus, can't purchase Xbox Live.

5:55 P.M. – Stop crying after mom comes into the store.

6:00 P.M. – Ask mom to stop at McDonald's on the way home.

6:30 P.M. – Eat the wrappers, leave the rest. There are other people you have to think about, you know.

6:33 P.M. – Realize what a weird time it is. Describe last night's dream to mom before she leaves.

6:32 P.M. – Wait, what? That was a time paradox?

6:33 P.M. – Oh. Yeah, you do realize this is a pretty weird time. Begin giggling so hard you can't stop vomiting.

6:35 P.M. – Mom leaves. Quit puking and give her a hug.

6:35 and 1 second P.M. : Puke all over her. Dude….

6:40 P.M. – Cleaned mom up. She leaves.

6:45 P.M. - Play Halo.

7:00 P.M. – You realize that you should probably shower.

7:30 P.M. – Decide against it. Smelling is for people who want girls, dawg. You don't want cooties.

8:00 P.M. – YOU ACTUALLY DO WANT GIRLS – BOOK IT TO THE FRIGG'N SHOWER

8:30 P.M. – Stop showering after realizing you don't have a shower.

9:00 P.M. – Bed-time. Dress up in your superman jammies, and bunk for the night.


End file.
